This is the new no 1 on the Aria Charts it’s been on the radio here in Aus for a while now it’s grown on me and has made me think about my childhood I know I have said before that my life changed at 7 years old because my parents became foster parents (this post is going to be hard for me so bare with me please) I have talked about the abuse I endured before there is more to talk about and here we go (deep breath).
Once I was 7 years old we got our first foster child a 14 year old boy who had been sexually abused (I didn’t know this at the time and back then no one talked about sex and how your body is yours and if someone tries to touch you you go and tell an adult) Well this 14 year old boy tried to touch and kiss me and wanted to watch me shower which was really creepy and he scared me several times he tried I would just run away and I had to get sneaky and shower when he would go motor bike riding with my brothers he said if you tell anyone you will be in big trouble which is all part of grooming(I now know this).
I remember mum and dad going out to a party I was so scared something would happen that I made myself sick to try and get mum and dad to stay home I was aware I was being watched closely by the 14 year old boy and couldn’t say anything mum and dad left told my brothers to look after me and call if I got worse lucky my brothers were home I ran to them and spent the night with them until mum and dad came home.
I was lucky(one of the reasons I titled my blog Lucky) because the 14 year old boy was only with us for 3 months and I know it could have been a lot worse and as an adult who has studied all different types of abuse and how to recognize when children have been abused as part of my job as an early childhood educator and have made that my passion to make sure no child goes through what this young boy had and then to groom others which is what I now know that’s what he was trying to do to me.
I’m grateful I have a computer and can finally express myself I told my parents when I was 18 because that boy visited my dad at his shop and that bought all the emotions back and made me freeze and I couldn’t eat my dinner they knew something was wrong with me cause I always ate my dinner they had no idea and said they were sorry that they put me in that situation I tried therapy but that just made me angry and I rebelled turned to alcohol, marijuana, smoking cigarettes and was sexually promiscuous (but was always safe using protection I still had morals and values somehow) I was in self destruct mode it took me to get sick with my allergy to antibiotics at 21 years old which nearly killed me to realize what I was doing to myself and the fact I wasn’t to do those things (except sex but can’t get pregnant) anymore due to my liver being damaged which thankfully healed itself I turned my life around got a job at a childcare center and studied and met the man of my dreams 5 years later.
Now that I have let that all out I need to escape reality so will listen to music and play video games for the rest of the day.